OK, I’m sorry. I’m looking at the past eight days worth of Paper Rounds and every one has been about John Terry. I would love to provide something different today, but after Fabio Capello lived up to his disciplinarian stereotype yesterday and stripped Terry of the England captaincy – there is only one thing on the lips, pens and keyboards of the English press.
Let’s start with the Guardian, where Irish comedian Dara O’Briain takes a slightly more irreverent look than the usual at “Dad of the Year” John Terry, speculating about what tips he could offer a father of nine foster kids on a council estate in Middlesbrough.
“Dad of the year, you say? With the collapse of the John Terry super-injunction some small news story crept into one or two of the sports sections during the week regarding the then England captain. Perhaps you didn’t spot it; and would like me to recap some of the more salacious details. Perhaps not. I’m happy to leave it if you are. There are only so many times you can return to a dead horse that has been whipped as vigorously as this one.
I couldn’t even write about it if I wanted to. I am working under the constraints of my own super‑injunction. Last week I concocted a strained but well-meant piece comparing Man United to legendary cyclist Lance Armstrong, a piece that was taken by many, not least the sub‑editors here, to be a straightforward attack on Man United. Really, only the first bit of it was; and then only to set up the second bit. No matter. United offered a master class last Sunday, winning at a canter. For fear that I should draw such a whirlwind on them again, Arsenal FC have injuncted me from writing a thing about Chelsea.
Football aside then, maybe if we can ask for one good thing to come of this Terry affair, it is that celebrities realise that awards like “Dad of the Year” aren’t actually a proper award, judged by some jury against some criteria, under which our celebrity came first. They’re organised by a PR company on behalf of a sponsor who wants some free press and they’re given to whoever will turn up and collect them. Kerry Katona has won “Mother of the Year”. Twice.
They aren’t a real prize, you fools. They’re like “Spectacle Wearer of the Year”. It’s just an ad. You’re doing an ad. For free. For brown sauce. The real Dad of the Year is sitting on a housing estate in Middlesbrough, looking after nine foster kids. I shudder to think of the conversation Terry had with the organisers at the photoshoot when they gave him his award. What parenting small-talk did they make?”
Elsewhere, Sky Sports pundit and former Liverpool midfielder takes a look at today’s Merseyside derby…I wish. Nope, it’s more Terry stuff, although Redknapp at least prefers to examine how well England’s new captain Rio Ferdinand is suited to the job in his column in the Mail.
“My Grandad, Harry Snr, loved watching football games. He used to tell us he could spot a player and the first day he saw Rio Ferdinand, he rang my dad. ‘You’ve got to come and see this boy,’ he said. ‘It’s like watching a Rolls-Royce. He will play for England.’ Rio was 15. He was a late developer, out of South London who wasn’t selected for England at schoolboy level.
Tony Carr, the youth team coach who is now West Ham’s successful academy director, often used him in midfield in his early days because he was so comfortable on the ball. But Pop Harry watched him in defence that day and rang when he got home. ‘Son, you have got to look at this boy. He’s something special, nearest thing I have seen to Bobby Moore. Passes, moves, glides and can defend. He’s quick too. He’ll be world class.’
Word went around our family; I was a Liverpool player at the time. My dad called me and I got the chance to look at him for myself when West Ham played Liverpool in the FA Youth Cup final. There was this gangly kid at centre half, really skinny and with long legs and the natural running style of a middle-distance athlete. But he could shift, cover the ground quickly, read danger. His name caught the eye too, because of Les Ferdinand’s success at Queens Park Rangers”
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