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Today’s flim flam doesn’t go to 11

Have you ever read the Rumour Mill and wished there was some way you could rate the day’s transfer gossip, reflecting how engaging you found each piece accordingly? Yes, us neither. But today, thanks to our all-new patented INTEREST-O-METER™, you can!

Chelsea are looking at the £20m Real Madrid midfielder Sami Khedira and the Fiorentina striker Stevan Jovetic.

INTEREST-O-METER™: Our rating: 0/10. Your score: ___ /10.

Paris Saint-Germain, Internazionale, Juventus and West Ham United all want Manchester City’s Carlos Tevez, who is worth £20m, yet is also worth 20p.

INTEREST-O-METER™: Our rating: 0/10. Your score: ___ /10.

Martin O’Neill will be brought in at Blackburn Rovers as Gérard Houllier to Steve Kean’s Roy Evans.

INTEREST-O-METER™: Our rating: 0/10. Your score: ___ /10.

Anzhi Makhachkala will break the bank to land either Fabio Capello, Guus Hiddink, Vanderlei Luxemburgo or Luiz Felipe Scolari as their manager, and sign Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard and Robert Pires as players.

INTEREST-O-METER™: Our rating: 0/10. Your score: ___ /10.

The Crystal Palace teenager Wilfried Zaha is a £5m target for Barcelona and Bayern Munich. The 18-year-old is also on the radar at Manchester City, Liverpool, Stoke City and Fulham.

INTEREST-O-METER™: Our rating: 0/10. Your score: ___ /10.

Paris Saint-Germain want to sign David Beckham.

INTEREST-O-METER™: Our rating: -523/10. Your score: -523/10.

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