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Football transfer rumours: Newcastle to snap up Gylfi Sigurdsson?
Today’s rumours, ‘the new page 338′ It’s a well-known fact that the 21st century mind has lost its ability to take on brand new concepts. Areas of land can’t be described with either reference to their size in relation to Wales or football fields. Popular beat combos get descriptions like “imagine Shed Seven attempting to do [...]
Continue reading...Football transfer rumours: Wolves’ Steven Fletcher to Sunderland?
17. April 2012
Today’s pieces of fluff do not have to do extra push-ups Good news for Aldershot Town’s Tibetan Buddhist fanbase, readers. The Sun tells us that His Holiness the Dalai Lama will give a talk at the EBB Stadium in June before blessing the pitch. “Margaret Thatcher visited our club once,” said a club spokesman, naming another [...]
Continue reading...Football transfer rumours: Newcastle United’s Tim Krul to Chelsea?
16. April 2012
Today’s fluff had a lovely time hanging around the aisle According to the Daily Mirror, Sunderland are “leading the chase” not away from but towards Wolves shin-raker Karl Henry. Martin O’Neill is described as “a long-term admirer” of midfield-bouncer Henry which, under the laws established by Jane Austen, means Henry is indeed destined to move eventually [...]
Continue reading...Football transfer rumours: Fulham’s Andrew ‘Andy’ Johnson to West Brom
13. April 2012
Today’s rumours are looking better than Samantha Brick Normally as jaunty as a feathered fedora tilted at just the right angle, The Mill is on edge. Last night, home alone and reading Heidi, there was an eidolic knocking downstairs. Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap. Too scared to investigate, The Mill spent the night spooning with [...]
Continue reading...Football transfer rumours: Spurs’ Luka Modric to join Chelsea?
12. April 2012
Today’s rumours did not let the rain scuff their new shoes When you’re a billionaire, you may as well buy lots of expensive stuff – luxury yachts, a sense of self-worth, proper cornflakes instead of the Morrisons brand. Roman Abramovich already has all of those – we checked the second one with his therapist – so, [...]
Continue reading...Football transfer rumours: Manchester City to sign García and Witsel?
11. April 2012
Today’s tell-all is no can thief As anyone who has seen Kevin Bridges’s “Chad Hogan vs an Empty” routine will know, there is no such thing as a typical party. They can range from blissfully happy affairs in which paper-cup clutching teenagers scream “spring break, woo-hoo!” in the company of a hip band to dark, frightful [...]
Continue reading...Football transfer rumours: Carlos Vela to permanently leave Arsenal?
10. April 2012
Back to work for today’s rumours Just when it was all going so well for Arsenal, they have been rocked by one of their star players revealing his desire to exit north London this summer, seeing as it’s worked out so well for Samir Nasri, who’s been reduced to duking it out on Tw*tter with ball-of-smug-made-flesh [...]
Continue reading...Football transfer rumours: Clint Dempsey to Manchester United?
9. April 2012
Today’s whispers are up and at ‘em Kanny King Kenny, ruler of The Kop, is set for talks with Liverpool’s American owners, a meeting in which John W Henry is expected to hold up a picture of Andy Carroll and ask him what the hell he thought he was playing at, to which the only acceptable [...]
Continue reading...Football transfer rumours: Mario Balotelli to Inter?
6. April 2012
Today’s fluff is as live as it gets Another day, another Mario Balotelli headline. We start with news that the Italian crashed his £120,000 white Bentley into a Vauxhall Corsa in Manchester yesterday. “It was a hefty bang,” a witness told the Manchester Evening News, adding: “Mario was on the phone and a short time later [...]
Continue reading...Football transfer rumours: Liverpool to sell Kuyt, Maxi, Glen Johnson?
5. April 2012
Today’s rumours were sealed with a farewell kiss Pity poor Big “Sam” Allardyce, readers. After a hard-fought campaign to win the favour of West Ham fans by playing rubbish football and drawing 98 consecutive games at home (apart from the one they lost to Reading) some supporters still don’t like him. So Sam’s adopted a different [...]
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18. April 2012
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